My fellow ladies, women, gals, females, etc., I have one question to ask; at what point in life do we lose who we are? As children we laugh, play, and share our dreams with other children, but somewhere between laughing, playing, and dreaming we lose ourselves. I have found the saying “boys will be boys” to be all too true. They play, laugh, and get dirty as children and I don’t know if I’m the only woman who has noticed this, but this pattern continues until they just can’t do it anymore. Oh wouldn’t it be lovely. For women, it’s not that easy. It’s almost like we owe it to the world to begin a growing process to become this ridiculous image of what a “woman” is. Too often girls are growing up with Barbie’s and Brats as role models so don’t blame it on the rain when your daughter tells you she wants to be a Brat when she grows up.
Society has twisted beauty in such a way that women will go from brunette to blond, a size 8 to a size 0, 5’4” to 5’10”, light to dark, dark to light, brown eyes to green eyes, short hair to long hair, (you get my point!), all in one day! In Webster’s New World Dictionary Third college edition, beauty is defined as the quality attributed to whatever pleases or satisfies, the sense or mind, as by line, color, form, texture, proportion, rhythmic motion, tone etc. or by behavior or attitude etc. It looks to me as though some people have left out the part about beauty being a behavior or an attitude.” Let’s indulge ourselves in a few episodes of: A Society Plagued by False Perceptions of Beauty.
Example one: The terror of the tan
Have you ever been in a store enjoying your shopping, looking at all the marvelous clothing, shoes, and accessories, then out of the corner of your eye you spot something horrific moving closer and closer to you. You compare the suspense to a little person being approached by Shaq and as the thing gets within recognition you come to find out that someone let their 70 year old grandmother into the tanning booth only to exceed to recommended amount of time for a color supposedly mocking a beautiful bronze sistah? (Raising my hand) I can say that i’ve definitely been there. Not only does this woman look like a silly representation of what’s on a magazine cover, but it also looks as though she bought her clothes at forever 21, allowing her wrinkles to take precedent over the young stylish apparel. Maybe they should have a sign at the door, WARNING: TAKING THE NAME OF THIS STORE LITERALLY WILL RESULT IN AN OUTBURST OF LAUGHTER, POINTING OF FINGERS, AND POSSIBLE EMBARRASSMENT. PLEASE TAKE THE PUBLIC AND THOSE HAVING TO LOOK AT YOU INTO CONSIDERATION BEFORE PURCHASING CLOTHING.
Example two: the size 12 over the size 16, what to choose?
As a woman of substance, big girl, Fat girl, what have you, i’ve learned to respect my body and only put on it what is a direct reflection of me, and me is beautiful, classy, stylish, must I go on? Well not every woman can or will take certain things into consideration when shopping. We have all seen this before and it applies to women of all colors. It’s, excuse my expression hotter than hell outside and all the “skinny” or “in shape” women are flaunting around in mini’s, tube tops, daisy dukes and the like. You’re out with your man and around the corner comes this woman with everything but what the good lord gave her hanging out. I mean rolls goin’ every which way back and front (I know about these things ladies), thighs singing you an out of tune love song and arms directing the choir and everything 2 sizes too small. I don’t know about you, but what I want to do is almost cuss this woman out. Here I am trying to make a good name for us “fat chicks” and be an example of how too, we can be beautiful, sexy, and tasteful with all of our clothes on in the summer time (without burning up!), and she ruins it for the lot of us! My advice, choose the 16 over the 12.
Example three: They say black is beautiful, but can’t I be white?
Let’s face it. Black women have never been portrayed as the most beautiful women in the world. Society always finds a way to make sure we have to struggle to be beautiful. As a result we turn to long weaves, wigs of all colors and lengths; trust me I know all about them, straightening devices, contact lenses of all different colors, and much, much more. You’re having lunch with your friends and passing the window is a fairly dark woman with blond hair to her behind, green eyes, pink lipstick, blood red blush, proudly wearing a shirt that displays the logo Abercrombie and Fitch. My initial thought would be what circus did she just escape from, then I’d dig deep, deep, deep, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down and find the heart to be sad for her because nobody taught her that black is beautiful no matter what shade.
It’s never fun not knowing who you are and grasping for the wind at something you were never meant to be. The examples above and the purpose of this, is to expose the comedic side of finding one’s self. Although it’s not always a funny subject we have to laugh at ourselves then turn around, correct it, and with our attitudes and outward appearances, demand that others admire us for the women we are. It’s important that those of us who know who we are, or are getting close to finding self, pull each other together and get there. Let’s not continue to let society decide who we are, what we should wear, or how we should live our lives as women. Next time you check the mirror before you leave the house make sure you see a woman and not the perception of one.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Self Esteem: A Closer Look
“You got a smile so bright, you know you coulda been a candle……Well you coulda been anything that you wanted to and I can tell, the way you do the things you do.” Those lyrics could never be directed towards women of today because obviously we simply don’t deserve it and because we are so undeserving these days, we’re more likely to be “superman’d,” “super soaked,” Or even spiderman’d but never praised. I ask myself often where we went wrong, what exactly is it that we’ve done to deserve the names that are sparingly and so graciously bestowed upon the women of today.
For decades black women have struggled with self esteem, self worth, and the like, although some researchers think differently. Numerous studies have been done which claim that because African American females rarely see runway models of color, and since thin Caucasian women are society’s spokeswomen of beauty, we tend not to be affected by it; therefore a lack of self esteem does not take root as easily as it does for white females. However this proved not to be the case in a more recent study which concluded that we have the same feelings of insecurity, and low self esteem when we see African American women in videos, models, actresses, singers, athletes, etc.
I find it hard to believe a study like that could be anywhere close to accurate when we constantly are talked down to, disrespected in song, rap, or whatever means necessary to degrade us. This is a problem for me because as a race one would think we would do more to encourage and uplift each other because society already sees us as the bottom feeders. As an African American woman my heart goes out to our younger generation. I’m at an age where I’m not affected as much as a 13 year old would be by the media. At 23 I can’t be shaped, molded, or influenced by the images on BET as easily as a young girl can.
In a study done by dove 75% of teenage girls had feelings of depression and low self esteem after three minutes of flipping through a fashion magazine. In today’s society our youth are being taught that beauty is everything and that it will get you everywhere. Proverbs 31:30 says “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.” Our younger generation needs a new vision of beauty one that is within because as it says in the scripture, outward appearance passes.
The more these girls and young women listen to the lyrics of these songs, and watch these so called “beautiful” women in these videos the more it will begin to take root. If you water a plant everyday and give it plenty of sunlight that plant will begin to grow, but once you stop watering that plan and it sits in the sun it will begin to wither and become dried up and it will eventually die. It’s the same thing with our young girls. They’re being fed day in and day out this degrading music where women are referred to as hoes, bitches, and tricks and they’ve accepted that as being who they are. We need to start cutting off their water and sunlight. That root needs to dry up and die. Instead they should be subjected to positive female role models and songs that encourage women to respect their selves.
For decades black women have struggled with self esteem, self worth, and the like, although some researchers think differently. Numerous studies have been done which claim that because African American females rarely see runway models of color, and since thin Caucasian women are society’s spokeswomen of beauty, we tend not to be affected by it; therefore a lack of self esteem does not take root as easily as it does for white females. However this proved not to be the case in a more recent study which concluded that we have the same feelings of insecurity, and low self esteem when we see African American women in videos, models, actresses, singers, athletes, etc.
I find it hard to believe a study like that could be anywhere close to accurate when we constantly are talked down to, disrespected in song, rap, or whatever means necessary to degrade us. This is a problem for me because as a race one would think we would do more to encourage and uplift each other because society already sees us as the bottom feeders. As an African American woman my heart goes out to our younger generation. I’m at an age where I’m not affected as much as a 13 year old would be by the media. At 23 I can’t be shaped, molded, or influenced by the images on BET as easily as a young girl can.
In a study done by dove 75% of teenage girls had feelings of depression and low self esteem after three minutes of flipping through a fashion magazine. In today’s society our youth are being taught that beauty is everything and that it will get you everywhere. Proverbs 31:30 says “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.” Our younger generation needs a new vision of beauty one that is within because as it says in the scripture, outward appearance passes.
The more these girls and young women listen to the lyrics of these songs, and watch these so called “beautiful” women in these videos the more it will begin to take root. If you water a plant everyday and give it plenty of sunlight that plant will begin to grow, but once you stop watering that plan and it sits in the sun it will begin to wither and become dried up and it will eventually die. It’s the same thing with our young girls. They’re being fed day in and day out this degrading music where women are referred to as hoes, bitches, and tricks and they’ve accepted that as being who they are. We need to start cutting off their water and sunlight. That root needs to dry up and die. Instead they should be subjected to positive female role models and songs that encourage women to respect their selves.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Do You Know Yourself?
I read somewhere that in order to better know ourselves, which is essential for us to interact with others, it is important for us to ask ourselves at least these 10 questions.
-What are my top 10 values in life? I answered, In no particular order:
-God
-Family
-Health
-Success
-Happiness
-Me
-Knowledge
-Positivity
-Honesty
-Good, Fruitful Relationships
What do i want most in life? I answered:
To be a good person and encourage others to live life to its fullest and enjoy the good things that God has placed on this earth. I want to be successful at everything i touch or even think about!
Where do i see myself in 10 years? I answered:
Doing photography and focusing on body image, Modeling, 2 Children, Financially stable, speaking across the country on self esteem/self love, well traveled.
Whose company do i enjoy?
Well first i enjoy the presence of God. There is nothing like it! He makes me smile and he's not judgmental. I can just be me in his presence. I also enjoy the company of family and friends. I love to just sit and laugh for hours with people that i love. I also enjoy the company of a man, a nice wholesome man lol! I'd be lying if i said i didn't!
What makes me laugh? I answered:
Lol, Gosh the simplest things make me laugh! It could be a commercial, a crazy thought, the wrong two colors put together, lol see?
How do i spend my money? I answered:
Well these days my money is spent on bills. When i do have money to spend on "things" I like to buy "investments" like a nice winter coat, or an item that goes well with EVERYTHING (it's so essential), or a good pair of shoes that can never be worn out.
Which people do i admire most? I answered:
Well i could honestly name a long list of people and give at least one reason but I'm going to go with the two people I've known my whole life, my mother and my sister. They both have dedication, they're strong, and lol my sister is definitely my best friend cuz she's crazy!
What is my purpose? I answered:
My purpose is to be a light. Lol I'm not ALWAYS the happiest person, but despite my circumstances in life, i try to be happy. I believe i am to encourage young girls/women, to live better lives, starting from the inside out. I believe i have a heart for them because of some things i went through and still struggle with whether it be emotionally, physically, and even mentally.
Being Honest in answering all of these questions was very important to me because this is about me and i always want to be true to who i am. So next time you're sitting with nothing to do, grab a men and piece of paper and do a self evaluation, trust me it'll bring some things to light!
-What are my top 10 values in life? I answered, In no particular order:
-God
-Family
-Health
-Success
-Happiness
-Me
-Knowledge
-Positivity
-Honesty
-Good, Fruitful Relationships
What do i want most in life? I answered:
To be a good person and encourage others to live life to its fullest and enjoy the good things that God has placed on this earth. I want to be successful at everything i touch or even think about!
Where do i see myself in 10 years? I answered:
Doing photography and focusing on body image, Modeling, 2 Children, Financially stable, speaking across the country on self esteem/self love, well traveled.
Whose company do i enjoy?
Well first i enjoy the presence of God. There is nothing like it! He makes me smile and he's not judgmental. I can just be me in his presence. I also enjoy the company of family and friends. I love to just sit and laugh for hours with people that i love. I also enjoy the company of a man, a nice wholesome man lol! I'd be lying if i said i didn't!
What makes me laugh? I answered:
Lol, Gosh the simplest things make me laugh! It could be a commercial, a crazy thought, the wrong two colors put together, lol see?
How do i spend my money? I answered:
Well these days my money is spent on bills. When i do have money to spend on "things" I like to buy "investments" like a nice winter coat, or an item that goes well with EVERYTHING (it's so essential), or a good pair of shoes that can never be worn out.
Which people do i admire most? I answered:
Well i could honestly name a long list of people and give at least one reason but I'm going to go with the two people I've known my whole life, my mother and my sister. They both have dedication, they're strong, and lol my sister is definitely my best friend cuz she's crazy!
What is my purpose? I answered:
My purpose is to be a light. Lol I'm not ALWAYS the happiest person, but despite my circumstances in life, i try to be happy. I believe i am to encourage young girls/women, to live better lives, starting from the inside out. I believe i have a heart for them because of some things i went through and still struggle with whether it be emotionally, physically, and even mentally.
Being Honest in answering all of these questions was very important to me because this is about me and i always want to be true to who i am. So next time you're sitting with nothing to do, grab a men and piece of paper and do a self evaluation, trust me it'll bring some things to light!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
A Woman/Her Love
This is what I encounterd when I fell in love. Everything in this story is true down to the names. Not many people knew that I was in love but the ones that knew, know that I was head over heels for this man. Pay close attention to this flow ladies
I loved him unconditionally because he said he cared for me never had I been in love before and swore that I wouldn’t until there was Him. We started as friends the first week of April I believe, winter had gone and so was my Ex, they called him Ricky. It was a beautiful day as I walked with a friend and while passing the theater I was stopped by a man. I gazed up at the brown skin/6’5 frame and while still in a daze he asked me my name. His voice fit his stature at a mature 28 putting my number in his phone I wish I had known there were many in my place. We talked for hours that night sharing details of our lives, conversing with this man just seemed so right. Our friendship grew stronger as well as our feelings and before I knew it 6 months was only the beginning. The beginning of arguing and many I’m sorry’s the beginning of jealousy, secrets, pain, lies, and yes ladies I caught him with wondering eyes. Promised night of pleasure planned never came the only thing promised to us were further days of pain. He continued to express his love for me and I for him but underneath all this love hid deep suspicion. Nobody understood how much I was in love with this man I don’t even think he knew I was ready and willing to give up all for him. One day we ran into a she but this was before we came to be. He told me that they used to talk I asked for further detail it turns out her goods were up for retail. I approached her one day as a graceful woman I stood and kindly asked her to stop trying to sell my man expired goods…That was that. God knows I thought this man would be mine until the end of time, until one day things began to decline. Unanswered calls and texts, it was driving me crazy, ask my girls I was a mess. Crying day and night because he meant the world to me I could not understand, what happened to we? I recalled one day a newspaper clipping he gave that I stored, it read “Love is…When he comes back for more.” Although we argued much that day, our love stood strong until a later date. I might sound strange to you but this man had been my life I even had thoughts of being his wife. I never became obsessed or a stalker to 28 not even when our love was lost and unable to translate. One day 28 He disappeared nowhere to be found, I checked all places up and down. I was truly hurt and I know it wasn’t best, but I let the hurt manifest. I found myself drowning one night in another mans arms and full of sin, an adulterer is what 28 claimed I had been. I knew this man for minutes of my life he bought me drinks so it felt right. I woke the next morning feeling ashamed so I did what mama taught me and called out Gods name. I had done it out of anger because I’d lost the one I loved, so when 28 resurfaced I told him all that went on, ironic though you won’t believe my love right then returned. His anger felt like fire to my slowly burning heart it took another man for him to notice I was hurt. Instead of an apology he chastised me to no end. I said to him “I’m sorry” his reply “sorry didn’t do it you did.” Still no real explanation as to why he left me high and dry, I couldn’t shed another tear let alone say goodbye. I knew that his anger stemmed only from a decision I made, I told him things were going well so “baby we should wait.” My love and I never connected in the way most in love do, but that’s what made me love him so.... he didn’t push me to. Now that it’s all said and done I’ve lost a friend and my first love. As I thought about this man and how he came and changed my life, I couldn’t help but feel like every word, touch, kiss and hug was a total lie. He left me standing all alone my emotions lingering of him. Whoever stands next in line good luck to all of them? You ask if I still love this man I say to you I do, but I’m also saying to all women be careful who you give your love to.
I loved him unconditionally because he said he cared for me never had I been in love before and swore that I wouldn’t until there was Him. We started as friends the first week of April I believe, winter had gone and so was my Ex, they called him Ricky. It was a beautiful day as I walked with a friend and while passing the theater I was stopped by a man. I gazed up at the brown skin/6’5 frame and while still in a daze he asked me my name. His voice fit his stature at a mature 28 putting my number in his phone I wish I had known there were many in my place. We talked for hours that night sharing details of our lives, conversing with this man just seemed so right. Our friendship grew stronger as well as our feelings and before I knew it 6 months was only the beginning. The beginning of arguing and many I’m sorry’s the beginning of jealousy, secrets, pain, lies, and yes ladies I caught him with wondering eyes. Promised night of pleasure planned never came the only thing promised to us were further days of pain. He continued to express his love for me and I for him but underneath all this love hid deep suspicion. Nobody understood how much I was in love with this man I don’t even think he knew I was ready and willing to give up all for him. One day we ran into a she but this was before we came to be. He told me that they used to talk I asked for further detail it turns out her goods were up for retail. I approached her one day as a graceful woman I stood and kindly asked her to stop trying to sell my man expired goods…That was that. God knows I thought this man would be mine until the end of time, until one day things began to decline. Unanswered calls and texts, it was driving me crazy, ask my girls I was a mess. Crying day and night because he meant the world to me I could not understand, what happened to we? I recalled one day a newspaper clipping he gave that I stored, it read “Love is…When he comes back for more.” Although we argued much that day, our love stood strong until a later date. I might sound strange to you but this man had been my life I even had thoughts of being his wife. I never became obsessed or a stalker to 28 not even when our love was lost and unable to translate. One day 28 He disappeared nowhere to be found, I checked all places up and down. I was truly hurt and I know it wasn’t best, but I let the hurt manifest. I found myself drowning one night in another mans arms and full of sin, an adulterer is what 28 claimed I had been. I knew this man for minutes of my life he bought me drinks so it felt right. I woke the next morning feeling ashamed so I did what mama taught me and called out Gods name. I had done it out of anger because I’d lost the one I loved, so when 28 resurfaced I told him all that went on, ironic though you won’t believe my love right then returned. His anger felt like fire to my slowly burning heart it took another man for him to notice I was hurt. Instead of an apology he chastised me to no end. I said to him “I’m sorry” his reply “sorry didn’t do it you did.” Still no real explanation as to why he left me high and dry, I couldn’t shed another tear let alone say goodbye. I knew that his anger stemmed only from a decision I made, I told him things were going well so “baby we should wait.” My love and I never connected in the way most in love do, but that’s what made me love him so.... he didn’t push me to. Now that it’s all said and done I’ve lost a friend and my first love. As I thought about this man and how he came and changed my life, I couldn’t help but feel like every word, touch, kiss and hug was a total lie. He left me standing all alone my emotions lingering of him. Whoever stands next in line good luck to all of them? You ask if I still love this man I say to you I do, but I’m also saying to all women be careful who you give your love to.
Spiritual Food, For the Soul
I've been blogging a lot lately because i feel like i have so much to say, and instead of holding it all in i'm just going to write it all down!
I think it's safe to say that growing up is not always fun, and in some cases it's not fun AT ALL. I'm noticing more and more that it's easier for some to grow up, while others are stuck at 18. Growing up has nothing to do with your financial status, social status, number of children, or marital status. Growing up is about how you handle situations that come your way. Yes you have children but do you still club EVERY weekend and are nowhere to be found the day after? I'm sorry but you still have some growing to do. Maybe you're financially stable but you spend all of your money on useless things instead of investing and sowing seeds, Yes you guessed it, you still have some growing to do.
It's definately a mind over matter thing. Learning to take care of responsibility first will definately grow you up. Lately I've been going through my responsibilities in my mind and it's completely overwhelming the things that i Have to take care of. Not the things that i want to take care of or feel like taking care of, but things i have to take care of. Paying bills is not something i want to do but i have to do it and i need to do it. In order for us to continue to grow and mature it's absolutely essential that we take care of necessities before leisure.
At 23 years old i feel like i'm behind in a lot of things, but as i grow and mature God is showing me that everything is done in his perfect timming, not our perfect timming. God wants us to have the desires of our hearts and he knows that i would like to be futher along, but he also knows that without rain I won't experience growth so as he's taking me through different things in my life i'm seeing the importance of every single litte or big, trial, tribulation, storm, struggle, crisis, and circumstance. He's testing my faith, perseverance, and watching the way i handle these situations. If i bow, bend, or break I'm showing him that i'm not yet ready and i need to continue to grow and mature so the rain comes once again. What i have to do is understand that he will never give me more than i can bare although it may feel like i can't take anymore he knows exactly how much i can bare. When a storm approaches me and i begin to pray and war in the spirit and in the end i smile and say "God is going to work things out, God is going to turn what the devil meant for evil into something good and something that will work in my favor." With that attitude God is able to take me to the next level with trials and tribulations but the difference this time will be that i am able to handle them differntly and from there He can begin to really bless me because i've learned to praise him inspite of what i'm going through.
I watch my friends graduate with bachalors degrees in different areas and go on to work in their respected fields, get new cars, have no bills and the devil begis to speak to me and say "Brenee' you'll never be where they are, you'll never be as grown as they are, look at you, you'll never move from the spot that you're in." But i know that God is not a man that he should lie and his promises are true. In Habakkuk 2 it says that though your vision may terry it will not be late! and because God is maturing me and i'm experiencing growth I can first rebuke the devil, and second i can be happy for my friends that they are being blessed. This will show God that his work in me has not been in vain and i will be able to recieve double when my time comes to be blessed because i'm able to rejoice with others in their good times although i'm still going through.
Overall, I'm excited about the new direction God is taking me in, how he's preparing me to fulfill his promises and how he's preparing me to be prosperous.
As God continues to mature me and grow me up, i pray that he does the same for those of you who are seeking to make changes in your life! I tell you it is an awesome thing to be in the ways of God and although you may not see your efforts being rewarded right away, don't worry, continue to stay faithful to God and continue to allow him to water you so that you'll be all that he wants you to be and never want for anything. Be blessed.
I think it's safe to say that growing up is not always fun, and in some cases it's not fun AT ALL. I'm noticing more and more that it's easier for some to grow up, while others are stuck at 18. Growing up has nothing to do with your financial status, social status, number of children, or marital status. Growing up is about how you handle situations that come your way. Yes you have children but do you still club EVERY weekend and are nowhere to be found the day after? I'm sorry but you still have some growing to do. Maybe you're financially stable but you spend all of your money on useless things instead of investing and sowing seeds, Yes you guessed it, you still have some growing to do.
It's definately a mind over matter thing. Learning to take care of responsibility first will definately grow you up. Lately I've been going through my responsibilities in my mind and it's completely overwhelming the things that i Have to take care of. Not the things that i want to take care of or feel like taking care of, but things i have to take care of. Paying bills is not something i want to do but i have to do it and i need to do it. In order for us to continue to grow and mature it's absolutely essential that we take care of necessities before leisure.
At 23 years old i feel like i'm behind in a lot of things, but as i grow and mature God is showing me that everything is done in his perfect timming, not our perfect timming. God wants us to have the desires of our hearts and he knows that i would like to be futher along, but he also knows that without rain I won't experience growth so as he's taking me through different things in my life i'm seeing the importance of every single litte or big, trial, tribulation, storm, struggle, crisis, and circumstance. He's testing my faith, perseverance, and watching the way i handle these situations. If i bow, bend, or break I'm showing him that i'm not yet ready and i need to continue to grow and mature so the rain comes once again. What i have to do is understand that he will never give me more than i can bare although it may feel like i can't take anymore he knows exactly how much i can bare. When a storm approaches me and i begin to pray and war in the spirit and in the end i smile and say "God is going to work things out, God is going to turn what the devil meant for evil into something good and something that will work in my favor." With that attitude God is able to take me to the next level with trials and tribulations but the difference this time will be that i am able to handle them differntly and from there He can begin to really bless me because i've learned to praise him inspite of what i'm going through.
I watch my friends graduate with bachalors degrees in different areas and go on to work in their respected fields, get new cars, have no bills and the devil begis to speak to me and say "Brenee' you'll never be where they are, you'll never be as grown as they are, look at you, you'll never move from the spot that you're in." But i know that God is not a man that he should lie and his promises are true. In Habakkuk 2 it says that though your vision may terry it will not be late! and because God is maturing me and i'm experiencing growth I can first rebuke the devil, and second i can be happy for my friends that they are being blessed. This will show God that his work in me has not been in vain and i will be able to recieve double when my time comes to be blessed because i'm able to rejoice with others in their good times although i'm still going through.
Overall, I'm excited about the new direction God is taking me in, how he's preparing me to fulfill his promises and how he's preparing me to be prosperous.
As God continues to mature me and grow me up, i pray that he does the same for those of you who are seeking to make changes in your life! I tell you it is an awesome thing to be in the ways of God and although you may not see your efforts being rewarded right away, don't worry, continue to stay faithful to God and continue to allow him to water you so that you'll be all that he wants you to be and never want for anything. Be blessed.
The Pursuit of Happiness?????
WE’VE ALL BEEN UNHAPPY BEFORE AND ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY HAVEN’T IS TELLING PURE LIES. THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS SEEMS TO BE AN ONGOING THING FOR MANY PEOPL, AS A MATTER OF FACT FOR EVERYBODY. AT TWENTY SOMETHING IT’S ASSUMED THAT YOU’RE HAPPY AND THAT YOU HAVE NO WORRIES BUT TO PARTY AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE UP IN TIME FOR WORK OR CLASS EVERY MORNING (AS YOU CAN SEE, EXPECTATIONS ARE QUITE HIGH). I CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER THOUGH; IS HAPPINESS IN PURSUIT OF US? MOST OF US LIVE OUR LIVES DAY TO DAY GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS JUST TO GET UP AND DO THE SAME THING OVER AGAIN, BUT YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF IS THAT TRULY THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS? THIS IS THE WAY I SEE THINGS. WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING AND STAND IN THE SAME SPOT TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH, SIT IN THE SAME SPOT AND EAT THE SAME SERIAL WITH THE SAME SPOON YOU COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS, BUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND FALL OUT THE BED, SAY A CURSE WORD OR TWO, BRUSH YOUR TEETH WHILE USING THE BATHROOM, AND GRAB A SLICE LEFTOVER PIZZA ON THE WAY OUT THAT TO ME SAYS “HEY I’M READY FOR WHAT THE WORLD HAS FOR ME TODAY.” WITH THAT ATTITUDE HAPPINESS HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO FIND YOU. IT’S A SIMPLE EXPLANATION. STRUCTURE IS GOOD, BUT IT DOESN’T LEAVE ROOM FOR CHANGE AND CHANGE IS WHAT ULTIMATELY GETS US TO WHERE WE WANT TO BE PERIOD. SO I ASK AGAIN ARE WE IN THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS OR IS HAPPINESS IN PURSUIT OF US?
Women's Edition: Internet Dating
I've been doing a lot of writing lately, mostly on what i see on a day to day basis in life, online, on tv, in my bible, wherever i can get info. However the subject that needs the most attention is dating. Internet dating is ever increasing and it looks as though it will not slow down. Looking through calssifides to see what others have to offer.....i'm shall we say less than impressed. Let us begin with us women, yes get prepared because "imma put you up on game."
As much as many of us, men and women, claim to be ready for something real, serious, seeking no games, looking for the one, taking a deeper look into the subject proves differently. Browsing through a popular website which shall remain namless, I ran across titles such as "Thick woman seeking good man." Now i know that there isn't much room to write your life story in the title but ladies let's be a little more original and write an eyecathcer that doesn't capture your "best" asset. I know that men are visual creature first so we have to get their attention somehow right? Now let's further explore another approach.
Being a woman of substance myself i know that we have to market ourselves differetly than "normal" (definition unknown) women. "Thick woman seeking good man" is not a title that will be remembered because women thick, thin, fat, skinny, sickly, etc, are all looking for a "good man." Here's a title that could be more promising; "Intriguing curvatious woman on the scene." This title leaves some mystery and it pulls you out of the other 8239476324932746 posts entitled "Thick woman in search of good man." In the body of your ad it is important to capitalize on more than just your looks, but let's not give them a biography. A good ad would be short with enough information to get replies from "good men." Now let's remember this is the internet and as crazy as men are out on the streets they're even crazier online so you will definately get responses that you don't want, that's life.
Remember, if you are "serious" about finding something "real", which can be found online despite the feelings of some, then you have to be HONEST! This is very important because if you plan on meeting up with someone, they'll find out exactly what you lied about in your ad. I've known some real good talkers that couldn't live up to what they wrote in their ads, so let's be on point ladies. An example of an acceptable ad would read: "First,thank you for choosing my ad to read out of the numerous, enticing i'm sure, ads by other women." This opening line will attract a guy who is seeking something serious from a well spoken woman, and it will turn off any man who has other intentions and bad taste in women, just kidding, or am I? Next tell your age and a little about yourself, remembering that honesty is the best policy. "I am a single 23 year old African American Female downt to earth, witty, and i enjoy good conversation. My interests are reading, dancing, and cooking. I would like to meet a man who is honest with common interests, has a sense of humor, and is also down to earth. I am not looking to jump the broom overnight, but to first establish a friendship and possibly go from there. Finding out more about me will be fun so let's do some verbal exploration shall we?" This ad is short and sweet, straight to the point. He should know by the end of it whether or not he wants to respond to this ad, he should not want to or have to second guess or click right to the next ad, that is if he's seriously looking.
Why not tell your weight? why not tell your height? why not indulge in how much money you make or don't make? Because these are things that should not be the reason a man is interested in you, not that he should ever know your weight anyway! Giving all of that information is not a good entrance into the start of something new. It's almost like an auction if you do it that way. 170, 5'6", 60,000, going once, twice, sold to the gentlemen with the knife in his hand! see my point? you'll attract attention that you don't want. Now that i've given a little insight on what to do and what not to do, rethink your plan of attack, make it interesting and don't overdo it, then see what happens! In my next blog i will definately get at the men on what to do and what not to do! Until then keep it real and be blessed.
As much as many of us, men and women, claim to be ready for something real, serious, seeking no games, looking for the one, taking a deeper look into the subject proves differently. Browsing through a popular website which shall remain namless, I ran across titles such as "Thick woman seeking good man." Now i know that there isn't much room to write your life story in the title but ladies let's be a little more original and write an eyecathcer that doesn't capture your "best" asset. I know that men are visual creature first so we have to get their attention somehow right? Now let's further explore another approach.
Being a woman of substance myself i know that we have to market ourselves differetly than "normal" (definition unknown) women. "Thick woman seeking good man" is not a title that will be remembered because women thick, thin, fat, skinny, sickly, etc, are all looking for a "good man." Here's a title that could be more promising; "Intriguing curvatious woman on the scene." This title leaves some mystery and it pulls you out of the other 8239476324932746 posts entitled "Thick woman in search of good man." In the body of your ad it is important to capitalize on more than just your looks, but let's not give them a biography. A good ad would be short with enough information to get replies from "good men." Now let's remember this is the internet and as crazy as men are out on the streets they're even crazier online so you will definately get responses that you don't want, that's life.
Remember, if you are "serious" about finding something "real", which can be found online despite the feelings of some, then you have to be HONEST! This is very important because if you plan on meeting up with someone, they'll find out exactly what you lied about in your ad. I've known some real good talkers that couldn't live up to what they wrote in their ads, so let's be on point ladies. An example of an acceptable ad would read: "First,thank you for choosing my ad to read out of the numerous, enticing i'm sure, ads by other women." This opening line will attract a guy who is seeking something serious from a well spoken woman, and it will turn off any man who has other intentions and bad taste in women, just kidding, or am I? Next tell your age and a little about yourself, remembering that honesty is the best policy. "I am a single 23 year old African American Female downt to earth, witty, and i enjoy good conversation. My interests are reading, dancing, and cooking. I would like to meet a man who is honest with common interests, has a sense of humor, and is also down to earth. I am not looking to jump the broom overnight, but to first establish a friendship and possibly go from there. Finding out more about me will be fun so let's do some verbal exploration shall we?" This ad is short and sweet, straight to the point. He should know by the end of it whether or not he wants to respond to this ad, he should not want to or have to second guess or click right to the next ad, that is if he's seriously looking.
Why not tell your weight? why not tell your height? why not indulge in how much money you make or don't make? Because these are things that should not be the reason a man is interested in you, not that he should ever know your weight anyway! Giving all of that information is not a good entrance into the start of something new. It's almost like an auction if you do it that way. 170, 5'6", 60,000, going once, twice, sold to the gentlemen with the knife in his hand! see my point? you'll attract attention that you don't want. Now that i've given a little insight on what to do and what not to do, rethink your plan of attack, make it interesting and don't overdo it, then see what happens! In my next blog i will definately get at the men on what to do and what not to do! Until then keep it real and be blessed.
Men's edition: Internet Dating
"I'm looking for a white woman in great shape, no kids, her own things, and drama free." "I'm looking for a woman with a house, a car, a gym membership, no kids, and 401k." Is this how your ads look? Are you guilty of looking like a fool? Then let me help you out! "Oh i don't need any help from a woman i know what i'm doing." <-----Is that also you? Well if you're not getting the responses that you're looking for it would be to your best interest to read here and pay very close attention! Some of the things i say might be hurtful, some funny, some not so funny, some surprising, but in the end it's nothing but the TRUTH because that's all i know, got me? Good, then let's begin. oh and this is advice that most people charge for.
Let's start with the demanders. These are my favorite ads to read because they appear everyday. Do you really want to know why you have to repost over and over again? Because we're living in a day and age where demand after demand is a turn off. Women don't want to date a guy who does this: "you MUST be this, you MUST be that and so forth. There is absolutely nothing wrong with preferences and knowing what you want, but there is a way you can and should go about it, especially those of you who find yourselves posting day after day, week after week, only to be repeatedly turned down or in the same situation each time. To me a guy saying MUST this and MUST that shows that he has some control issues, he could possibly be dealing with some aggression, and he's looking for a completely submissive woman, i'll attack that at another time.
If you really want your ads to be answered you MUST put your ego aside especially for those of you who are "seriously" seeking something "serious" and real. If you're looking to get your kicks you can stop reading here because this is real talk for men who don't desire to be alone and hopeless the rest of their lives. Now that that's out of the way let's continue. Yes women want a strong man but not someone who has to dumb her down in order for him to feel like a man. Instead of MUST try "what i'm looking for in a woman" or "these things attract me about a woman." From there she'll continue to read because she's already been given the respect that she's looking for from a man. So for our demanders, my advice is to simply try a new approach!
This next one I see in almost EVERY ad. "I don't want a fat girl, bbw, or whatever you call it, it's ugly unattractive and i don't want it." Trust me, some have been worse. This is a great way to make you feel good about yourself and to make the blonde bombshell who can't stay in a relationship because the only thing she has to offer is beauty happy that she can land more guys than the Fat chick. Fellas let's have some repsect and be a bit more tactful. This is more acceptable: "I like to workout and stay in shape and i am interested in a woman who exhibits the same qualities." You don't need to announce to the world that a fat chick is not what you want! Some of you men come with a picture of your body lookin' nice and tight but you got teeth like a shark and everytime you cough you lose some hair! Please come correct if you're seeking the supermodel type alright guys.
Next i have the ever growing population of black men who are looking for a white woman. Do you want to know what makes a black woman mad? Do you want her to turn into a mad black woman? Well listen up because i have some information for those oblivious to a black womans world. Creating an ad that says: "I'm looking for a white or (other) woman because black women are no good, they ain't about nothin', etc. will only anger black women first off and second how do you expect any "other" type of woman to want to get to know you or even inquire about you if you're degrading a whole race of females? Wrong move my men, wrong move. If you desire a woman of another race then that's fine but don't disrespect the entire african american female race in search of that other woman. This is more acceptable: "I'm a single black male in search of somthing different at this point in my life and exploring options outside of my race" and so forth and so on. Now I will warn you that you'll probably still get the angry black female who is all about black power but that's not something you need to be concerned about unless she shows up at your door with Rev. Jesse Jackson and a thousand throw back members from the black panthers. If that is the case then you're in trouble my brotha! In order to get the responses you want start with respecting your own women first, because that will show that you have respect for women in general no matter what race, got me? let's get into some deep issues now.
The married man in a "bad" marriage looking for someone to "have coffee with." Let's be real guys, you're back posting every week because you look like scumb to a mature woman who is aware of herself and has enough respect for herself not to answer your ads. Unless you're offering money then don't expect to get a million answers on this one, and trust me, you'll run out of money and really be in trouble if you keep this act up. Bad marriage or not, posting an ad that your wife does not know about and saying you just want to "talk" will only hurt your marriage so my advice to you is to get divorced....then have coffee. If you're looking to have your cake and eat it too then keep posting and see how bad life gets!
Last but not least, everyone else. I see a lot of ads talking about how they've failed at love, how they can't seem to find the right one, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada! <--------That right there is EXACTLY the reason you're posting week after week. If you want to be successful at dating start with a little spunk, charisma, hope, positivity, you catch my drift? Women are looking for men who are excited about life and want to share their joy and excitement. If your situation is so bad that you have to include your feelings and emotions in your ads then you should put off posting until you can get yourself together because women don't want to see a crying pitiful man right off the bat.Next, Those of you that can't create a sentence that makes sense you ought to consult a friend, preferabley female and someone that can spell to look over your ad before posting. There is nothing worse than a man with all these demands that can't spell any of them! I DEMAND you MUST spell check before you post!!!!
I hope i could help a few of you out. I know that some of you will continue to lack in the dating circle because you continue to make stupid mistakes that are avoidable but hey, can't win them all right? Those of you that are serisous about this and do want to make progress just make small adjustments and see the repsonses you'll get. You won't get it right all of the time but keep trying and you'll get very close, then one day whether it's tomorrow or next month, or even next year you'll find yourself dating in a new way and happy about it.
Let's start with the demanders. These are my favorite ads to read because they appear everyday. Do you really want to know why you have to repost over and over again? Because we're living in a day and age where demand after demand is a turn off. Women don't want to date a guy who does this: "you MUST be this, you MUST be that and so forth. There is absolutely nothing wrong with preferences and knowing what you want, but there is a way you can and should go about it, especially those of you who find yourselves posting day after day, week after week, only to be repeatedly turned down or in the same situation each time. To me a guy saying MUST this and MUST that shows that he has some control issues, he could possibly be dealing with some aggression, and he's looking for a completely submissive woman, i'll attack that at another time.
If you really want your ads to be answered you MUST put your ego aside especially for those of you who are "seriously" seeking something "serious" and real. If you're looking to get your kicks you can stop reading here because this is real talk for men who don't desire to be alone and hopeless the rest of their lives. Now that that's out of the way let's continue. Yes women want a strong man but not someone who has to dumb her down in order for him to feel like a man. Instead of MUST try "what i'm looking for in a woman" or "these things attract me about a woman." From there she'll continue to read because she's already been given the respect that she's looking for from a man. So for our demanders, my advice is to simply try a new approach!
This next one I see in almost EVERY ad. "I don't want a fat girl, bbw, or whatever you call it, it's ugly unattractive and i don't want it." Trust me, some have been worse. This is a great way to make you feel good about yourself and to make the blonde bombshell who can't stay in a relationship because the only thing she has to offer is beauty happy that she can land more guys than the Fat chick. Fellas let's have some repsect and be a bit more tactful. This is more acceptable: "I like to workout and stay in shape and i am interested in a woman who exhibits the same qualities." You don't need to announce to the world that a fat chick is not what you want! Some of you men come with a picture of your body lookin' nice and tight but you got teeth like a shark and everytime you cough you lose some hair! Please come correct if you're seeking the supermodel type alright guys.
Next i have the ever growing population of black men who are looking for a white woman. Do you want to know what makes a black woman mad? Do you want her to turn into a mad black woman? Well listen up because i have some information for those oblivious to a black womans world. Creating an ad that says: "I'm looking for a white or (other) woman because black women are no good, they ain't about nothin', etc. will only anger black women first off and second how do you expect any "other" type of woman to want to get to know you or even inquire about you if you're degrading a whole race of females? Wrong move my men, wrong move. If you desire a woman of another race then that's fine but don't disrespect the entire african american female race in search of that other woman. This is more acceptable: "I'm a single black male in search of somthing different at this point in my life and exploring options outside of my race" and so forth and so on. Now I will warn you that you'll probably still get the angry black female who is all about black power but that's not something you need to be concerned about unless she shows up at your door with Rev. Jesse Jackson and a thousand throw back members from the black panthers. If that is the case then you're in trouble my brotha! In order to get the responses you want start with respecting your own women first, because that will show that you have respect for women in general no matter what race, got me? let's get into some deep issues now.
The married man in a "bad" marriage looking for someone to "have coffee with." Let's be real guys, you're back posting every week because you look like scumb to a mature woman who is aware of herself and has enough respect for herself not to answer your ads. Unless you're offering money then don't expect to get a million answers on this one, and trust me, you'll run out of money and really be in trouble if you keep this act up. Bad marriage or not, posting an ad that your wife does not know about and saying you just want to "talk" will only hurt your marriage so my advice to you is to get divorced....then have coffee. If you're looking to have your cake and eat it too then keep posting and see how bad life gets!
Last but not least, everyone else. I see a lot of ads talking about how they've failed at love, how they can't seem to find the right one, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada! <--------That right there is EXACTLY the reason you're posting week after week. If you want to be successful at dating start with a little spunk, charisma, hope, positivity, you catch my drift? Women are looking for men who are excited about life and want to share their joy and excitement. If your situation is so bad that you have to include your feelings and emotions in your ads then you should put off posting until you can get yourself together because women don't want to see a crying pitiful man right off the bat.Next, Those of you that can't create a sentence that makes sense you ought to consult a friend, preferabley female and someone that can spell to look over your ad before posting. There is nothing worse than a man with all these demands that can't spell any of them! I DEMAND you MUST spell check before you post!!!!
I hope i could help a few of you out. I know that some of you will continue to lack in the dating circle because you continue to make stupid mistakes that are avoidable but hey, can't win them all right? Those of you that are serisous about this and do want to make progress just make small adjustments and see the repsonses you'll get. You won't get it right all of the time but keep trying and you'll get very close, then one day whether it's tomorrow or next month, or even next year you'll find yourself dating in a new way and happy about it.
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